5 Signs of Dating Burnout
Burnout occurs when the demands that are placed on you exceed your current resources and capacity to meet them. Burnout can occur at work, at home, or in your relationships. It’s generally characterized by a feeling that no matter what you do, nothing will improve, which usually leads to feelings of apathy. When you’re burned out, it’s difficult to feel present or experience joy, as there is often a feeling that you’re just going through the motions.
Modern dating can often lead to dating burnout. Dating apps can feel overwhelming and the paradox of choice may give the illusion that the perfect match is still just a swipe away if only you keep trying. A study conducted by Singles Reports found that 78.37 percent of adults between the ages of 18-54 have experienced online dating burnout.
If you’re wondering whether you are struggling with dating burnout, consider the five signs below:
1. Dating feels like an obligation or chore.
When dating feels like an obligation, it usually feels like too much work and you’re not having any fun with the process. If you have to work hard to convince yourself to go on a date, it’s probably a sign to take a step back and recharge.
2. You often feel drained by the thought of going out on another date or swiping for the next one.
Instead of feeling excited by the prospect of meeting someone new, you’re feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. Dating burnout can prevent you from forming a deeper connection with someone because you don’t have the capacity for it.
3. You secretly hope the other person will cancel.
Secretly hoping the other person will cancel may be a sign that you do not have the emotional bandwidth for dating at this time.
4. You’ve lost hope of connecting with someone you actually like.
When you lose hope of connecting with someone you actually like, any motivation to go on dates or joy you could experience in the dating process is usually lost.
5. You’re more susceptible to feeling irritated or hopeless.
When you’re experiencing dating burnout, things that would have been a minor inconvenience in the past may now feel really frustrating or difficult to let go of. When you feel burned out, you are also more likely to find rejection particularly difficult, which may manifest in thoughts such as, “I knew I would never find anyone” or “This always happens to me.”
What to do about dating burnout
Dating requires a certain level of openness and vulnerability to establish a connection with someone. If you’re experiencing dating burnout, consider the following tips:
1. Take a break from dating.
If you’re noticing the signs above are present for you, it may be time to consider taking a step back from dating. Forcing yourself to try harder when you’re already feeling burned out will only add to your frustration. A certain level of vulnerability and emotional capacity is needed in order to form a genuine connection with someone. Consider spending time engaging in activities that help recharge you during your time off from dating.
2. Assess what aspects of the dating process are draining you.
Take some time to evaluate the aspects of the dating process that are most draining to you. For example, instead of pressuring yourself to go on a specific number of dates each week or continuously swiping on a dating app, consider scheduling dates and using a dating app when you have more energy and are feeling excited about meeting new people.
Once you consider the aspects that you find most draining about dating, you can implement a plan to address them. For example, you may decide to only talk to a certain number of matches at one time to avoid feeling overwhelmed or to only use a dating app once or twice a day for a specific period of time. This can allow you to preserve your dating energy so that you have enough capacity and energy to connect with your matches.
3. Honestly reflect on your relationship needs and dealbreakers.
When you know what you want and you’re honest with yourself about why those things are important to you, it can help you navigate dating with intention and prevent you from feeling burnt out.
Consider creating a list of your top five relationship needs and three to five dealbreakers. Using this list as a guide can help you date with intention and avoid spending extra energy on people who are not compatible with you. Although you won’t know right away whether someone has a dealbreaker or can meet your relationship needs, some initial conversations and/or a first date can help give you that information.
Not sure what your relationship needs are? I’ve created an exercise that can guide you in identifying your top relationship needs and dealbreakers. Grab a copy of your free guide here.
Previously published on Psychology Today
Disclaimer: This post is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to substitute professional or psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your mental health professional or another qualified health provider with questions regarding your condition or well-being.